2013 in Retrospect - The End and The Beginning

So he was gone. There was a weight off my shoulders. A load (just one) had been lifted and even though the weight on my shoulders was still heavy, with The Grinch gone, I felt a little lighter. I found out later that day that The Slut went mental at him and told him to go slit his wrists, not across but downwards and to do a good job at it. Wow she knew more than me! That he should go and jump in front of a bus and kill himself for what he put HER through. Her 4 month relationship that was built on what?? Lies and deception. Sneaking around. For all I know, he's probably screwed her in the family car that I drive around in now. Don't worry... according to Google you'll get over it in half that time, 2 months. Honey, I have 4.5 years, well actually 4 years now, 6 months has gone by already. So with her ranting and raving, she's a WINNER! So now the process of starting life with 3 kids on my own begins. I had a list of what I needed to do. I had counselling, he would come over and help as much as he can. And in that time, we tried again briefly but his lies just continued and in the end I called it quits. I do remember over that time, I prayed a lot! And smoked a lot too. I didn't drink. One thing I knew was that I was not going to drown my sorrows on a bottle of wine. I still had 3 kids to look after. They needed me to be there for them. I remember attempting to go to the mall because I needed to pick something up. The last thing I wanted to do was to face people at this time but I had to. I told myself, I'm just going in and out. As fast as I can. I went in perfectly fine but as I was waiting to pay, I could feel the tightness in my chest, I could feel my anxieties and I could hardly breathe. I needed to get out of there quick. But I have been waiting for so long to pay for this and I am next in the queue, I thought. Holding back the tears, trying to breathe calmly, in through the nose and out through the mouth, I make it. I pay and I literally get my ass out of that mall as fast as I can. I load my poor baby in the car, secure him in and start the car. I didn't even make it out of the car park. I burst in to tears, the pain.. it hurts. It F hurt like crazy. I was definitely not ready to face people. What was interesting with that experience though was that in the following week, I got a job! I pulled my ass out of bed, put on an outfit and went to the interview. I knew I needed a job to financially support my kids. It's amazing how your brain can automatically change when you need to go in to survival mode and all of a sudden you feel a sense of determination and strength. I'm sure a lot of women have felt this at some point. So, I had a job. Great, next on my list, a new place. I found one within a week and we would be moving in 3 weeks. I had 3 weeks to try and pack. I didn't. The process was too hard. So, while the children were with their dad for the weekend, I had my family come over and help me do the packing. I needed that. I couldn't do it all on my own, to go through everything, toss out what was unnecessary and keep what I needed. I did learn a valuable lesson. No matter what, family is important. If it wasn't for them, for my mum comforting me, my dad's advice and knowledge (he had been through this before)and my sister who did her best to listen and distract me I wouldn't be where I am today. So I have my family to be thankful for. I knew I still needed financial help to move and start over and therefore, I made an appointment with Work and Income. There, I learnt some very important lessons. My case manager had either been through this herself, or has had multiple experiences with this because she advised me on what I needed to do and they have proved to be invaluable. Lets just say that one advice certainly threw The Grinch in to a rage!