2013 in Retrospect - Counselling

One thing I knew after hearing about the affair was that I needed to be strong for my children. I knew that I would need counselling. A lot! I knew that after 9 years of being with someone, according to Google, it would take half that time to get over this. 4 and a half years! Really, it would take me that long to finally feel free of this hurt? I didn't want it to take that long. That felt like an eternity. So after making a few calls, made an appointment with a psychotherapist. In the meantime, he had also organised couples counselling. Ok, we it seemed we were making progress at trying to work through this. We saw the couples counselor first, she advised him that he needed to think what he is about to throw away and lose if he wanted to go down the road and be with "The Home wrecker". He said he wanted to work on us but he still had immense feelings for the other person. Love. I just remember thinking, how can it be love? So.. it was suggested that we go on dates to reconnect again and to not contact her over this period. So we did. We laughed, had fun, watched a movie. We were couple again doing couple stuff. He would look at me and tell me, he loved me and though guarded, I accepted it. I always thought though, am I just settling? Over the next two weeks, I was constantly thinking about what he was up to as work, what time he'll be home etc. I'd think about whether this was all worth it. Will there be a happy ending after all this? I was determined to try at least. He asked how I found out what her number, stupidly, I told him. Guess what he did! Changed the password of his mobile account. And told me I didn't have anything to worry about. He wasn't making contact with her but he just wanted some privacy!!! That didn't sit right with me. Three weeks after, first thing Sunday morning, I asked him, have you contacted her since. I got a NO. It still didn't feel right, so I asked him to message her. I wanted to know what her response was. If it was over, you'd definitely get an angry text or a text to say leave me alone. She's a chick, its what most women would do after finding out a guy has been playing two women at the same time right? Well, the message that came back was.. "Oh no, this sounds serious" and numerous texts messages after that asking for an explanation on what is happening. I found out that they had given this counselling 3 months and if there was no progress he would still leave and be with her. I couldn't believe that he put a time limit on this! I flew in to a rage... composure GONE! I told him to get the F out, pack his shit and piss off! in the midst of it all, she calls him and in anger I tell him that he better get that call so he answers! And there I was standing in our bedroom, tears rolling down, watching my husband have a conversation with his mistress. She wants to talk to me?? WTF, she's a slut and a home wrecker! What was her stupid small mind thinking? I hated him! Still do! As he was packing, I grabbed my sewing scissors and started cutting up all his good clothes. The slut didn't deserve to see him in his Sunday best! Needless to say, I am now dubbed the ex-wife who lost it, cut his clothes up, threw him out and psychologically mental! Well to the best of my knowledge, that's what he and his mum have been going round saying. However, the team backing me up have all agreed, what did he expect? And he was lucky that's all that was cut up. So who knows which is right and which is wrong. You make your mind up about that. I'm still processing. So, while "The Grinch"was packing up his belongings, I start receiving messages from her. Stuff they did together, what she did for him, he talked about how he wished for me to die, how I liked it in the bedroom... EVERYTHING! Everything I ever shared with him, intimate and personal, this Slut knew. I was humiliated. What and who the hell did I marry? My oldest daughter heard me yelling (obviously) "How can you wish for your wife to die. We have children!" When my parents arrived to take the kids away, she told them everything she heard. Then told my parents that she hopes her mum marries someone else that will love her. Poor thing! Three weeks after The Truth, he leaves with the clothing he had left, a rubbish bin full of his tattered clothing and a sorry.